Letter #5

Thursday

My Dearest Julie,

Hi honey. I was so kinda relieved to get your letter. I thought I had pissed you off in the last I wrote to you, 'cause I didn't hear right back (I'm greedy).

Dallas/Ft. Worth. Never been more than through it so I have no information to base a judgment on. I know you like big cities so you'll probably like the fever of it. Hope you can get on with the paper of your choice! You're good...can't see any reason why you wouldn't be grabbed up. Hell, they will consider themselves fortunate to have you on staff.

Please send a copy of your "daily". What did they assign? I'd like to read it. All the articles you've sent, I've kept. Julie, I'm SO proud of you.

You've come such a long way, healed so much, developed your self esteem (no, earned it), grown GROWN. I hope you're as proud of your success as I am of you. I know it's been a long, tough journey. Perhaps that is what makes it so valuable...the tears, struggles, and just the act of keeping on...no matter what.

Have had some minor successes here. Am in the process of the finality of  "Road Dog Warriors". I will be shipping it out next week. Did a complete rewrite - add ons, deletions, and revision. I have written the query letter including an overview of the book. Bio's done. Just need to complete the outlines and I'm procrastinating on that. Afraid of rejection. Rejection, after three years of work, would really hurt. Anyway...the publishing house I was in contact with wanted to know what I could do here to help market the book. Contacted: WUSF, Channel 3, Channel 13, Channel 10, and Channel 8...all are willing to do interviews with me if (when) the book is published...and Gayle Sierens called me. Both papers - the Trib and Times - will do articles. Barnes and Noble - a signing. And the public library wants me to be a guest speaker. Love that positive feed...almost makes me feel like the book is already on the way to the presses. Little blind successes.

Julie, am reading a book that I think you would enjoy (if you haven't already read it). "The Liars' Club" by Mary Carr. Her descriptive capabilities are honed and detailed, but not so detailed that it bores. If you get a chance, check it out.

You wanted to know about Tommy. Sounds like he's about the same as Garreth as far as insecurities and needing to grow up. He's an outdoors person. Stable. Faithful. Makes a decent wage. Very dependent on me - instead of making friends and doing guy things...and it makes me push him away. He's kind, quiet, and somewhat apologetic. Short, mustached, and has pretty eyes. He'd defend my defects against the world. Deprive himself for me. Not the bad boy - intellect rising, that I want...but a nice person.

Damn, I don't think I'll ever settle down. When the book sells, maybe I should go live in the mountains alone and write...so I won't hurt anyone else. Commitment is such an impossibility for me. I want it all - freedom, security, friends, alone time, but basically freedom...freedom from drudgery, freedom to let my mind soar and stay where it will. Freedom to go - or stay. Freedom to be the best bi-polar me I can be...and not hurt anyone.

My street "warriors" are having a hell of a time now. Teenagers here have developed a new sport called Catch A Street Person and Kick His Ass. Gangs (Bloods, Crypts, and "normal kids") are finding loners and beating them up. Calhoun was in the paper a couple weeks ago after four boys beat him badly and Hippy got four ribs shattered by eight feet (and a gash in the back of his head) last Sunday. Calhouns assailants were apprehended and a couple of the guys that caught Hippy too. But Donn's weren't - he got his teeth kicked out. Or Boston's - he was beaten with a tree limb. Or many others. I still love the street people and very much care about them. The authorities and the punks are all coming down on them at one time and...who do they go to for help?

Julie, I love you and I love your letters. Please keep them coming. And remember...I'm here if you need a friend. - or even if you don't.

I love you baby,

Janine