The Wedding

Day 5 of married life. I can't say things feel much different than they did before. It's still all kind of surreal.

Here's where we got married:



It's the home of my friend, Michael, and it makes a wonderful setting for any party, especially one following a wedding. Outside, there are two acres of fruit trees. Inside, it's like a museum filled with Asian sculptures and furniture. All of my friends, co-workers and bosses were mightily impressed. My sister-in-law thought the house belonged in a magazine.

This was my bouquet:




It was pretty much wilted and destroyed not even two hours after the ceremony. I left it at Michael's house. It's in the garbage or maybe even the dump by now. I guess I'm supposed to save the bouquet, but I'm getting rid of just about everything I own for the move, and I don't need a bunch of dead flowers weighing me down. Does that make me unsentimental? A cur?



The above is a photo of the bride and the groom. I like this photo because half of my face and most of my body are concealed. I don't think I looked very good that day, and I always think I look fat now.

We had a potluck reception. It turned out great, too, because we ended up with a huge table full of delicious food without having to pay a huge catering bill or slave over an oven for days and days. The night before, C* and I cut up some veggies for a veggie tray. The day of, I whipped up an artichoke dip and something called cowboy caviar (a dip with black eyed peas, a variety of veggies, etc), put out some bread and chips and trays of olives, pickles and banana peppers and we were set. No one drank the cheap beer we bought, so we returned it to the store the next day and got our money back.



The following is a sweet photo of C* and I after the ceremony. We stood in front of everyone for what felt like forever so everyone could snap photos. It was quite embarrassing. I didn't quite know what to do with myself.


And here's a photo of the whole clan. My brother and sis-in-law are on the left, then my dad, then C*, then me, my stepmom and C*'s brother:

Yawn!

I'm tired, and I've just woken up from a nap. C* and I had breakfast with my brother and sister-in-law and are now getting ready to take his brother bowling. So I'll just give a tiny update from yesterday. I'm a married woman now, and here is a copy of The Big Words that were spoken at 7 p.m. yesterday as thunder and lightning and a dark sky threatened to cut our brief ceremony even shorter.

Glenna:

When two people are at one
in their innermost hearts
they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze
And when two people understand each other
in their innermost hearts
their words are sweet and strong
like the fragrance of orchids.

(pause)

C* and maarmie, you may now exchange vows.

C*:

I promise to give you, maarmie, the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires, and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to share with you my thoughts, my feelings, and my dreams.

And I promise to grow along with you,
to face, together, life's changes and to love you through good and bad.

I will laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow
I will share in your triumphs and support you as you strive to achieve
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding
and speak to you with encouragement
To you, maarmie, I will forever remain faithful.

(C* puts ring on maarmie's finger.)

With this ring, I thee wed.

maarmie:

I promise to give you, C*, the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires, and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to share with you my thoughts, my feelings, and my dreams.

And I promise to grow along with you,
to face, together, life's changes and to love you through good and bad.

I will laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow
I will share in your triumphs and support you as you strive to achieve
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding
and speak to you with encouragement
To you, C*, I will forever remain faithful.

(maarmie puts ring on C*'s finger.)

With this ring, I thee wed.

Glenna:

I, by virtue of authority vested under the laws of the State of Florida, now pronounce you husband and wife.

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.

You may kiss.

I now present Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Wedding march

In about 21 hours, I will be a married woman.

The rings are bought, the vows are written, the veggies are chopped, the dress is pressed and the flowers and candles are picked out. All that's left is to make a couple of dips, pick up the cake and assemble some food trays. What a relief tomorrow night will be when the vows have been read, the people have all eaten and the hoopla will be over. I'm looking forward to just settling in at my apartment with C* and watching a movie or something.

It's like we've been a married couple for years already. And that's not a bad thing at all, I must say.

Interesting observation

It's interesting how a wedding can bring out the worst in people you thought were your friends, how some kind of fucked up issue in their own heads can stop them from being happy for you for even a minute.

But like one of my coworkers says, most people don't give a damn about anyone. Just be glad for the people in your life who do.

Numb-ers

11 - I will be married in 11 days.
8 - I am eight weeks pregnant.
2 - This is the second day I have gone without a cigarette.
24 - The number of hours I have had a headache.
6 - C* will be here in six days.
14 - C* will be here for two weeks.
40 - The approximate number of guests attending the wedding.
2 - The number of out-of-town friends who are making the journey.
5 - The number of family members who are coming.
1 - The number of family members I actually WANT to be there.

Only 11 days to go, and we still need to write our vows, finalize what we're going to wear, get the marriage license, buy some rings, finalize decorations (we still need flowers) and find out what everyone is planning on bringing for the potluck reception. We need to remember to pick up the cake, get some ice and make and bring some food. In the meantime, we need to entertain C*'s brother (coming in the day after C*) and make time for the beach. And not just any beach. Destin.

I won't let C* and his brother leave without a day-long trip to Destin, only the most beautiful beach in Florida. The water is clear as clear can be, and swimmers regularly spot dolphins and stingrays gliding through the surf. The sand is white and fine. And it's the perfect time to go, especially considering I own a big beach umbrella that will shade me from the misery that is a Florida summer.

We need cash, alright? Get over it!

I'm finding that even a low-key wedding involves a dizzying amount of preparation. There are so many things to consider for even the simplest of affairs. Location, notary, dress, shoes, hair, rings, cake, flowers, food/drink, music, invitations.

Having never done this before (and never planning on doing this again), I think I'm doing pretty well. In the span of two days, I've secured a location for the wedding AND the reception (thank you Michael!), found a notary, ordered the cake, sent out half the invitations, researched rings at jewelry stores in Tallahassee and decided that, with the help of several gracious friends, the food will be prepared by C* and I.

The cake will feed 80, but I have no idea who is actually going to show up besides my dad and step-mom, my brother and sister-in-law, a couple of friends who live in Maryland and Tennessee, several coworkers and a handful of Tallahassee friends. C*'s mom and brothers might make the trip from England, but that's just a maybe. I'm hoping that, within a week, we will have a final tally.

The invitation situation would have been easier had we had the time to order personalized invitations like everyone else on the planet does. But with such short notice and such a skimpy budget, I was forced to buy some that I'm having to fill out by hand and assemble myself. That's taking a lot of time.

And another thing: I'm having a shitty time handling the whole wedding gift situation we are finding ourselves in. It boils down to the fact that I am honest and that this particular honesty can't be put in nicer terms: We need cash.

Don't give us blenders or dishes or flatware or bread machines or picture frames or anything else I'll have to sell or return while I'm busy getting rid of everything else I own for my upcoming move to Scotland. Cash, my friends, will more than do.

Against the warning (mandate) of my father, I have conveyed this information in the invitations. After consulting with several friends, I ended up writing this at the bottom of every one of them: "No gifts, please. Any monetary contributions will be greatly appreciated."

It's not like I'm telling people they HAVE to send something. I'm telling them that if they do, this is what we want. Cash is crass, I know. But there's no way around the truth. Not only do we not want anything from a department store, but a deluge of useless household items would hurt us. Tacky, right? I know, I know. But at least I'm honest.

I told my father about the wedding a little over 24 hours ago. I can't say I was thrilled with his what-do-you-want-now-how-are-you-going-to-inconvenience-me-this-time-why-can't-you-just-leave-me-alone-once-and-for-all attitude concerning the whole thing. He definitely didn't act like a father whose only daughter is finally getting married and starting a family. After asking if I was going to register at the Salvation Army Thrift Store (he's so fucking funny) and NOT asking if there's anything he do to financially lend a hand, he told me they'd just come up that day for the ceremony and leave the following morning. Don't you just feel the warmth?

I was recounting this story to one of my close coworkers who also had a shitty father. She said it's sad that some parents have every opportunity to have close, loving relationships with their children but seem to do everything they can to quash any hope of that and create ill feelings. That just about sums up my relationship with you-know-who. But I need to get off this topic, because it's only going to bring me down again. And anyone who brings me down needs to fuck off.

C* will be here on July 16, and I can't wait. My days and nights and my bed are so lonely without him, and I am so very keen to show everyone just how I feel about him by making him my husband on July 21.