maarmie's musings

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A New Leaf in Cold Winter

Enough already. I've decided to snap out of my depression dilemma and have convinced myself that I'm going to convince myself that life

I'm meeting next week with a photography professor at Florida State University. He has kindly agreed to critique some of my photographs to let me know if I've got what it takes to take pretty pretty pictures. I've gone through all my photos and selected about 20 to show him first. I'm still waiting for my ordered copy of the 2006 photographer's market guidebook to arrive.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


For some reason, I couldn't think up a title for this post. Nothing seemed appropriate. Nothing seemed interesting. Nothing interests me. Nothing is fun. Nothing is funny. I look forward to nothing. I look forward to sleep.

Yes, I am depressed. My therapist wants to put me on anti-depressants and will evaluate me in two weeks to see if I'm doing better by then. I'm supposed to be exercising to release some seratonin, but, of course, I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

My days have been bleak lately, adding to the gray skies that have been flying over Tallahassee. What I look forward to most during the day is getting home so I can check my mail. Yes, MY MAIL is the most exciting part of my day.

Thanksgiving. I left Tallahassee at about 2 p.m. Tuesday headed for Tampa. The five days were just a blur of sun and moon punctuated by five hours of slaving in the kitchen to make a turkey dinner (I was the adult this year!), one miserable hour of getting treated like crap by my parents at their L-O-V-E-L-Y home, a night in Ybor City dancing at a club called Czar with a hopping monkey and going to an all-the-meat-you-can-eat Brazilian restaurant with my brother, his wife and friends and my ex. I usually have a good time when I go to Tampa, but this time pretty much sucked. I don't know why. I think it's because I'm depressed. And broke. And because I only got one fucking piece of pumpkin pie on Turkey Day.

Monday, November 21, 2005

"Rape a Woman Day" Gains Popularity

It appears people in the U.K. are as stupid as Americans when it comes to women and rape. CNN reported the results of an opinion poll that shows one-third of otherwise intelligent people across the pond believes women are to blame for being raped if they drink too much, dress provocatively, walk alone at night or have an active (consentual) sex life. Figures. I was raised thinking these same things, so it's no surprise that others do as well. What I'm shocked about is the fact that so many people STILL think these things in 2005.

Also reported in the article is the fact that rapists are prosecuted for their crimes only 5 percent of the (reported) time over there (the figures here probably aren't much higher). It's nice to know that 1) most rapes are never reported (I'm guilty of that one) and 2) even if they are reported, police/hospital staff may not take it seriously (happened to the sister of a friend of mine. Rape kit? Why do you need one of those? A police report? You don't want to go through that trouble, do you?) and 3) even if 1 and 2 happen, your garden variety rapist would probably only get a slap on the wrist, if anything.

Men suck.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

So Much Shit

There's so much stupid shit going on in the world right now that I don't even want to be awake most days. Gay marriage ban in Texas. A continued war in Iraq despite the whole world despising George for it. Unveiled e-mails from horse-trainer Brown who should have been helping to save the people of New Orleans but was, instead, worried about which tie to wear and scheduling adequate time for dinner. A vote on a coal-powered plant for Taylor County that Tallahassee would buy into for profits and additional electricity. I'm so tired of everyone's stupidity. Yawn! I think I'll sleep instead.

But on a brighter note, I spent seven days in Washington, D.C. - also known as The District. Museums visited: The National Gallery of Art (east building only), The Holocaust Museum, The Museum of Natural History and the Museum of American History.

Restaurants eaten at: Capital Grille ($120 lunch), Banana Cafe (a Cuban place in the Eastern Market district), Pizzeria Paradiso (a gourmet pizza joint in the Dupont Circle area), Dukam (Ethiopian place in the U-Street area), Ben's Chili Bowl (late-night eatery for drunks, also in the U-Street area), etc., etc., etc.

I had Chinese take-out from some uber rated Chinese place near Chinatown. Peking Garden right here in Tallahassee trumped that meal by a million. Nice to know we have something in this small town that D.C. might not have.

I also saw a concert at a cool bar/club called The Black Cat. The band, which hails from Baltimore, is called Wilderness (Jagjaguwar Records) and should not be underestimated. Check out the band's Web site, if you want, for more info. I was instantly smitten by the lead singer, and the band is one of my new favorites. Also met my favorite homeless guy outside the club. His name is Black Cat Bill, and he sits outside Black Cat in one of those motorized wheelchairs. Big, fat black homeless guy peddling for money and calling, "Black Cat, Black Cat. I'm Black Cat Bill." I told him the club should pay him for promoting the place and that he should wear a Black Cat T-shirt. He laughed. He bummed a smoke off me. Then, Mel gave him $5. He tucked it in his pocket saying he had to hide the bill because it was so big. He didn't want to get mugged. I told him I was going to mug him because I knew he had not only $5 but also a cigarette. He laughed and said, "Don't do that....hahahahahahaah." Sad. Wherever you are, Black Cat Bill, I hope you're warm and safe.

I also went to Baltimore and ate lunch in Little Italy before buying an eclair the size of a baby's arm at another place that sold Italian pastries. What else? Oh, yeah. I almost got killed by a homeless person near the Capitol. As Melonie and I were approaching, the guy was yelling his head off. She and I figured he was just some crazy homeless guy with an advanced form of Tourette's. But, as we got closer, he stared us in the eyes and yelled, "I'm gonna cut you, bitch!" and started coming towards us. Melonie wasn't paying attention to him or what he was saying. Good thing I was, because I turned to Mel and said, "We gotta get outta here. He's coming for us. We gotta go."

We started running and some other bummy looking guy on a bicycle rode by us and told us we were in the wrong part of town. The first weird guy ended up crossing the street and ranting and raving up and down the other side.

Favorite areas of D.C.: Dupont Circle, U-Street, Capitol Hill, Eastern Market. The only major areas I didn't make it to were Georgetown and Foggy Bottom. I wish I had gone there. I hear there's a lot of good music venues. Biggest complaint: Lack of record stores. I don't get it. Good local music scene. Hardly a record store in sight. I didn't go to one the whole time I was there. The one I tried to go to (specializes in underground/local music) wasn't there anymore. This I found out after I made the train ride and mile walk to get there. Ugh! Biggest compliment to D.C.: You have a lot of hot/interesting looking men living there. That's reason enough for me to move.

In one year, it's you and me, D.C. We're gonna have some fun.