Hi sweetie. Haven't heard form you in a while so thought I'd drop a line and see if you're OK.
I just talked to you on the phone yet still feel a need to communicate with you further. God you've grown...surpassed the old emotional bullshit with Karen and are now in a workable relationship with her. What a hurdle. And your Dad...he doesn't mean to hurt you (it's not in him) - he loves you but perhaps for a time longer you have to be - to him - the little girl who became a rebel and revolted against the world he has worked so hard to be part of, a rebel against the mindlessness of societies bumblers, a rebel against the blind followers of societies mores, a rebel that had to be pulled out of a rough space...but then went on to conquer. When you come into your own, though, are steadfast about your own convictions, and proud enough to possess quiet dignity about who you are and what you stand for...he will have to accept you as an adult. You don't have to fight who he is, what he does or feels...you just have to be convicted without apology. Who you are is exactly enough and exactly right...for you...and my dear, who do you have to live with all your life BESIDES you. You're accomplished, educated, pretty, intelligent, and so worthwhile. You feel deeply for that which is important. You're almost willing to fight for your right to be all you are...but quietly and with dignity. Those who shout loudest don't always win.
I really enjoyed our conversation. You're so bright and love to delve into that which most people aren't capable of even talking about. It's such a pleasure to talk about that which isn't the day to day grubbles of work, the house, kids, price of groceries, or the dead squirrel that got bit by 770 volts as he crossed a high wire and got tossed by thoughtless gods into the path of a runaway semi. The rain, the malls, the cost of cabbage, or the new tombstones that bear a hologram of the "dearly departeds" face and a micro chip of their voice implanted in the stone itself so the family can still "communicate" with their loved one. The bullshit. You're real - feeling - and talk on that level. No games...makes life easier...and harder too. (God, does anything make any sense?) Guess there are few absolutes - and then only in math. All the rest is just winging it...maybe landing in a pile of crap (maybe not) and just keep on keepin' on until you find your niche.
I love you Julie and I'm extremely proud of you and the uphill battle you're fought to be who you are.
I will be up to see you soon...in the next month or two. Thank you for allowing me that BUT if you change your mind please don't hesitate to let me know. I won't push anything you don't want. You CAN be honest with me.
Hi to Garreth. My love to you.