maarmie's musings

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Letter #6

(Postmarked 29 May, 1998)

Thursday the 28th

My Dearest Julie,

Thank you for replying so quickly. And thank you also for including some of your favorite articles. "a bizarre series of installations and videos" - love it. And "become a vicious character and prepare to defend life and limb against..." - has life. Julie, you're good. Talented. Your work is smooth, no chop to it, and deals with the meat - excluding flowery nonessentials. Shit, I'm not a critic but I like your "stuff". And true...your name on an article is better than any high you can buy on the streets...for me too.

"You Hit Me, Kiss Me, Keep me alive, Make me die" must have been a catharsis for you. Chances are some other young girl in a similar situation may see the light through your article and realize that there is a way out...and will gather the courage to make a stand. Sometimes our work CAN make a difference.

Baby, I know you're angry at me. How could you not be? I want you to know that it's ok to vent - to be truthful and dump that hostility on me. I can take it. If you don't, that anger will turn inward and can cause deep depression. I know. I bottled all that childhood pain and became an angry rebel. I want you to do whatever it takes to make you whole.

Re: Eric. He's got his life together after two years in PAR and is working, going to meetings, and has a nice girlfriend. Yes, he was an asshole when you were at the house. He was in the throws of his addictions and self-centered to boot. He's still self centered, but aren't we all - to a certain extent.

I wasn't doing too well then either - locked in a codependent relationship. Should have never gone off for that weekend. It was an empty two days that caused so many problems and lingering ill feelings. I will always regret it.

I'm glad the Escort served you as well as it did me. Kind of a shame that it has to die, but I'm happy you could use it as long as you did.

A couple years have passed Julie; there's no more chaos in my life. I'm finally settled and serene. Life is simple - just the way it was always meant to be...and, as always (even though it may not have seemed that way) I love you. Sometimes I fee that you're me and I'm you (if you know what I mean). I DON'T want to loose you again. Your letter gave me hope that we could be close. I know I can't be your mother, even tho' I am, but I can love and accept you unconditionally - can be your friend. So...if you are ready, baby, so am I. It may be rocky for a while but that's're worth it. No matter what...I will always love you.

Janine (Mom)

P.S. Your Christmas present was an angel on tile...delicate. Don't know why you didn't receive it. I mailed it to this same address.

Please send me a picture of you and Garreth.

If you decide to take in Big Sky and your grandmother let me know. Mom would be pleased and you'd probably love the serenity.

Again...Julie, I love you.

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