maarmie's musings

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Things I Learned the Hard Way - updated regularly

If you think you're smart enough to take the LSAT on a whim after six weeks of study, think again. Unless you're a genius or you mind "just works that way," you'll freak out and fuck it all up.

If you insert a table from Dreamweaver into a page at Blogspot, be ready to spend a lot of time adjusting the HTML so it will look right.

If you have big tits and a vacuous head, you're sure to always get the man. If you don't threaten him with your stellar mind and personality, he will be yours. In general, men are nothing but insecure and weak.

Demand respect from all the people in your life: your family members, your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, coworkers. If you don't, some will treat you like they treat themselves - poorly.

Never, never go hiking with a 20- to 25-pound pack for a couple of days in a pair of old-ass tennis shoes with the soles ripping off. You will end up having to duct tape the soles to the tops of the shoes and you might trip and fall and bust your fucking knee or your left ankle might give out a couple of times. Invest in a good pair of hiking boots, and break them in before you head out.

Sometimes, switching careers is the right thing to do. But don't make the jump just for the sake of a bigger salary and your own office. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Don't fall in love with a married man. Ever.

Never buy an eight-foot-tall bookcase at Ikea unless you have a way to get it home. You just might end up stranded at Penn Station with a box that's ripping apart at the seams. People might try and help you carry it to the cab station, but the cabs won't take you ALL THE WAY to Queens and you'll end up leaving the bookcase lying on the station floor for someone else to take home and enjoy.

Never trust most of your co-workers. They will only stab you in the back to get ahead - or stay where they are.

Even if you're faster, smarter, funnier or nicer, never compete with the boss. Even if you win, you will end up losing in the end.

Hard work and dedication never pay off if the boss only has one thing on his mind.

Real friends are worth more than any amount of money. But fake friends are everywhere.

Never date a member of the armed forces who appears to be mildly homophobic. He's gay.

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