maarmie: I'd like to turn in these two books (lays books on counter) and renew this one (lays a third next to the other stack) if I can. They're all overdue, but if I can't renew this one, I'd like to just keep it for a couple more days and pay the extra fine. I also have a book on hold I'd like to check out if I can.
librarian: (slowly processing the situation) Let's see here. OK. Check these two in (scans bar codes of the two books) and (moving slower than a turtle) now this third one. If it won't renew (musters all the resolve in his puny body, which wasn't much) that means it's on hold for someone else and you would (pauses, eyeing me) have to turn it in. (deep breath)
m: I'm sure it is on hold, but I want to keep it through the weekend and just pay the extra fine. (pause) I'm prepared to grab the book off this counter and run out the door with it. (smile)
l: Well, I'm not going to fight you over the book...
m: I'll hit you in the head with my wallet (wags rather large and heavy wallet at the librarian for emphasis) and run out the door. (smile)
l: (smiles, now forming a sense of humor) You're just full of it, aren't you?
m: You have no idea...
l: Oh, I'm starting to get an idea. (smile)
l: Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. This book IS on hold, but I'm going to break the rules. I'm going to renew the book for you, but I'm not supposed to. When do you think you'll have it in?
m: By Monday. I swear. (million dollar smile)
l: (suspicious) Well, OK. Try to have it in Monday.
m: Oh, I will. I swear. (librarian scans bar code to renew book) You're such a renegade!
l: Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
m: Oh, ok. Sorry. (wink)
m: (wink wink pause) I have a book on hold, too.
l: Oh, OK. (walks to the hold shelf to dig out my book) Omnivore's Dilemma? I've been an omnivore for years, and I wasn't aware we had a dilemma. What's the dilemma?
m: I don't know. I have to read the book to find out.
l: Oh, yeah. You have to read the book first. (smile)
(librarian scans bar code)
l: Now, you can pay your fines now, or you can wait. You owe $1.60.
m: (holds out two $1 bills) I'll pay now. I mean, I could hold off and earn the interest on these two dollars, but I don't think it would make me very much money. (smile)
l: (smile. walks to the register to ring up the fine) I suppose you want your change, too.
m: Oh, absolutely!
(librarian brings the change)
l: Here you go. Forty cents.
m: (holds the coins out to the librarian) You can keep it as a tip if you want to, but, keep in mind, this could be construed as a bribe.
l: Yes, I'm aware this could be construed as a bribe. You can keep it. I only take bribes of a dollar or more. Forty cents isn't worth it.
m: Yes. You have a point. (smile)
m: Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks. (smile)