Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Dogs do not make good pets for people with guilt complexes and paranoia
I've been having a great time staying in this beautiful house (decorated in a 60s style - groovy!) and taking long walks and playing with Meeko. One thing I can't take, though, is that dog's intense neediness. If she could sit INSIDE me, I know she'd do it. She's on top of me constantly, and, no matter what kind of treat I give her or how much I scratch her belly, she flashes me a pair of sad, brown eyes. My friends insist that she's manipulating me and that I don't have to give her 24 hours of attention every day. They say that I should play with her when I want to and go about my day when I don't. For some reason, I can't do that. I feel like, if I don't include her, I'm abandoning her. Her sad look isn't helping. I feel claustrophobic. Trapped. Guilty. Neglectful. Even if I just take five seconds to go to the bathroom, she's there, sitting next to the toilet on the floor, watching me and wondering how I could be so cruel to take a few seconds for myself. I feed her, then make my own dinner. By the time I sit down to eat, she's done with her food and sits there staring at me expecting me to give her mine. Then I see that look. That terrorized look when she realizes that I won't be offering her my plate. I know what she's thinking. She'd kill me if she had half a chance. That's why I have to lock her in the closet while I sleep. Keep her away from my throat when I'm unconscious. I see her. That look on her face sometimes. She wants me dead. I just know it.