I know my life is getting ready to implode when I wake up in the middle of the night lying in a puddle of my own urine. When bad things are happening and a part of me knows it but a more controlling part of me wants to deny it or hasn't caught on yet, I wet the bed. I'm 34 years old, and I still wet the bed at least once a year. Any guys out there really turned on by me yet?
It happened last night. At 2:30 a.m., I woke out of a horrifying little dream involving someone I know - something involving a money-making opportunity she stole from me and used herself and wasn't willing to let me be part of it, lots of fighting, anguish and sadness going on in the dream. I couldn't take it. When I woke up, I was mid-pee. After a trip to the bathroom and a changing of the sheets, I went back to sleep only to suffer more unpleasant dreams.
Something big is happening, but I don't know what yet. Some kind of huge transition. I'm nervous, but I feel OK about it. I feel pretty strong and happy with myself. I am dealing better and better with loss. I seem to be more able to handle shifting circumstances and change. I think I am more able to stand alone now if that's what's required. It sucks being alone, not having anyone to rely on. But it's better to be in that situation than to constantly rely on people who are hurtful or who don't really have my best interests at heart.
I guess now I'll have the chance to rely only on myself and see if I'm as strong as I think I am.