maarmie's musings

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I'm a jerk? I'm a jerk!

Before I leave for a professional development class titled "Communicating with Tact and Finesse," (my officemates think this class will do me some good - bah!) I figured I'd play fairsies and come clean about a relationship where the other person felt hurt by me and cut off all communication after ripping me a new one. If I'm going to point fingers at others, I better be willing to point a finger at myself. Right?


There once was a guy named S.S. who had the most magical brain the world had ever seen. S.S. had read and memorized every book ever published and could talk, at length, about any topic in the universe. And I mean ANY topic. History. Current events. Science. Movies. Music. Pop culture. Psychology. Philosophy. Architecture and art. I mean ANY. TOPIC. maarmie was wholly and completely in love with this part of S.S.'s brain. However, S.S. had been so sheltered and so engrossed in books his whole life that he never learned social skills or how to navigate in the real world. S.S. was lost when he wasn't in an academic environment. Because S.S. was so introverted and was truly happy only when he was alone with a book, he became easily frustrated with the world of man which drove him deeper and deeper into the world of books.

One day, S.S. decided he liked maarmie. Why, he decided he more than liked maarmie. He decided that he wanted to be around maarmie as much as he could and began leaving message after message on maarmie's voice mail, each one more insistent than the other that she call him back and come get him (he doesn't have a car - he's a poor doctoral student). maarmie began screening her calls and lying about being busy. The truth was, maarmie wanted to keep S.S.'s friendship, but she didn't want to lead him on, to give him the wrong idea about the direction of the friendship. She also didn't want to spend as much time with him as he wanted to spend with her. But she couldn't bring herself to discuss these things with him. In short, she did him a major disservice.

Here's the worst part: I stood him up. Twice. Once was years ago. We were supposed to have dinner (I'm telling you, he persistently called me and guilted me into making plans with him on a regular basis) and I showed up a half-hour late. He was already gone. Another time, I made loose plans to hang out with him and then never did. I was an asshole. I apologized. Too late.

One Friday, S.S. took it upon himself to plan the whole Saturday out for maarmie. He e-mailed her with the plan. She was to come to his house and get him around 10, take him to the computer store with his computer so he could get it fixed and then they would go to lunch and the movies. Apparently, he didn't think maarmie should have any say in the matter, and, even though she wrote him back immediately saying she had plans for Saturday already (another lie), he called her every hour Saturday more and more desperately asking where she was and to call him. (Keep in mind maarmie had already told him not to call like that anymore.) When maarmie didn't call him that Saturday, he decided the friendship was over. maarmie e-mailed him explaining her side, and he blasted her about all the things she did that hurt him.

I'm sorry I hurt him. I should have been respectful enough to tell him where we stood. One-sided relationships aren't my style no matter which side I'm on.

1 comment:

Sunny said...

Sometimes people want too big a piece of you. Cosmically, you didn't have that much Maarmie to give, and this dude would have seen that if he'd been paying any attention.

It's like he had a whole world created in his head and tried to stuff you into a hole like a missing puzzle piece. Bump that.

He's in the wrong, not you.