News flash: showers don't kill AIDS

South Africa needs to get a grip, and former Deputy President Jacob Zuma, who claims to want to be its leader, needs to start acting like a leader.

That means 1) don't (allegedly) rape anyone; 2) don't (allegedly) be a rotten liar and 3) don't mislead an easily misleadable public by saying (and setting the example) that males can protect against HIV after unprotected sex by washing off their willies in the shower.

Jesus H. Christ! Have you all gone mad?

Zuma, who wants to be the country's next president and was fired as deputy president last year because of a corruption scandal, is now on trial for the rape of a "friend" who has admitted to being HIV positive. Of course, Zuma is saying the sex was consentual, but both sides agree that no condom was used. When questioned why he would expose himself to the disease knowing that she has it, Zuma replied that he didn't use a condom because there wasn't one handy, that it's harder for men to catch the disease and that the possibility of catching it is even less if a man takes a shower right after unprotected sex.

I know the white man shouldn't be trusted and that HIV/AIDS is some big scheme the white man cooked up to kill all the black people, but, HELLO!, something you guys are doing over there obviously isn't working!

Millions and millions and millions and millions and millions (more than 5 million) of South Africans are infected with HIV, a number that grows daily. I've been following the HIV/AIDS crisis over there and, I've got to tell you, it doesn't take a genius to realize that, for men, 1) having unprotected sex with prostitutes and 2) telling prostitutes and women you have sex with that you refuse to wear a condom and, for women, 1) continuing to give it up without requiring the man to use a condom, is unwise.

I know condoms aren't the answer to the AIDS crisis, and I know a staggeringly high percentage of people over there don't think that HIV/AIDS is spread through an exchange of bodily fluids or that it even exists for that matter, but, if I lived in certain regions of South Africa, I'd look around me and take a chance on trying something new.

Of course, if I lived there, I'd 1) kill myself; 2) kill anyone who tried to fuck me; 3) move to another country if I had the resources to do so and/or 4) keep my legs shut - or my penis in my pants if I was a guy - until everyone with the disease dies off.