maarmie's musings

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

But it's LIGHT ice cream...





I'm still on my diet, so I wouldn't have felt good about buying REGULAR (gasp!) ice cream yesterday when I went shopping for...regular ice cream. I wanted a pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla with brownie chunks and a red, fruity swirl. 100 percent fat. 100 percent fun. Instead, I settled for a reduced-fat Haagen-Dazs to satisfy my lust for sweets and my drive toward weight loss. I'm not going to the gym every day for nothing, dammit!

This is the first time I have tried light ice cream. It doesn't taste half bad. What I mean is that, at HALF the fat, it only tastes HALF bad. Kidding. It's actually pretty good, and I'm probably a convert for life.

It's taking a lot for me to admit that reduced-fat ice cream is anything but unacceptable. In the past, I didn't really see the point in anything but regular ice cream. If you're fat and worried about it, why eat ice cream to begin with? That's not the point. I see that now. Fat people, BY DEFINITION, will likely want to eat ice cream - and lots of it. Offering a reduced-fat version is a win-win for overweight people and Haagen-Dazs alike. This way, overweight people can stuff their faces with sweets and not feel the hot slap of full-force guilt, and Haagen-Dazs gets the extra bucks.

OR THIS THEORY...

Reduced-fat ice cream = Ice cream for obese Jews

Now I'm going to hear it from overweight people AND god's chosen people. Don't get mad. In real life, I'm a Jew hag! I own a menorah, for Ruach Elohim's sake, and I'm not even Jewish! I carry a laminated card in my wallet that says I'm allowed to make Jew jokes, pinky swear! I earned the right after years of putting up with Jewish boyfriends and their annoying fucking families.

Kidding! Kind of.

Clarification: I am not anti-Semitic, and I do not dislike overweight people. My irreverence has left me feeling bad.

7 comments:

chumly said...

Bryers has some awsome new flavors.
I like reading your blog because of the realness it draws one in.

Jeremy said...

I sometimes pick up Ben & Jerry's Phish Food Frozen Yogurt. Sure, you can tell the difference, but it's still pretty tasty. Compare 280 calories/120 fat per serving to 220 callories/45 fat. But if you're counting carbs, forget it. The Yogurt actually has more carbs.

maarmie said...

Jeremy: Yes, better than full-on ice cream. I certainly don't feel as guilty. Now if we can get them to do something about the serving size. 1/2 cup? Yeah, whatever.

Chumly: Thanks for writing and for the kind words. I bookmarked your blog and will check it out soon.

kerewin said...

Now if they could only make low-fat, decaf "Coffee, Coffee, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz" by Ben and Jerry.

Jeremy said...

Note to pick up old arguments, but I think now you know how I feel after you got mad at me over joke. Aggravating, isn't it? It's funny until it cuts close to home. Although I have to admit even I cringed a little during the Jew spiel.

-Poop poo head Jeremy

maarmie said...

Several comments have been deleted at the commentor's request. My comments to the comments have been deleted as well. It's like they never happened, folks. The beauty of "delete."

maarmie said...

Kerewin: Decaf coffee is like non-alcoholic beer. People want the taste but not the effect? Bah!, I say. Bah!, indeed.