I'm still on my diet, so I wouldn't have felt good about buying REGULAR (gasp!) ice cream yesterday when I went shopping for...regular ice cream. I wanted a pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla with brownie chunks and a red, fruity swirl. 100 percent fat. 100 percent fun. Instead, I settled for a reduced-fat Haagen-Dazs to satisfy my lust for sweets and my drive toward weight loss. I'm not going to the gym every day for nothing, dammit!
This is the first time I have tried light ice cream. It doesn't taste half bad. What I mean is that, at HALF the fat, it only tastes HALF bad. Kidding. It's actually pretty good, and I'm probably a convert for life.
It's taking a lot for me to admit that reduced-fat ice cream is anything but unacceptable. In the past, I didn't really see the point in anything but regular ice cream. If you're fat and worried about it, why eat ice cream to begin with? That's not the point. I see that now. Fat people, BY DEFINITION, will likely want to eat ice cream - and lots of it. Offering a reduced-fat version is a win-win for overweight people and Haagen-Dazs alike. This way, overweight people can stuff their faces with sweets and not feel the hot slap of full-force guilt, and Haagen-Dazs gets the extra bucks.
OR THIS THEORY...
Reduced-fat ice cream = Ice cream for obese Jews
Now I'm going to hear it from overweight people AND god's chosen people. Don't get mad. In real life, I'm a Jew hag! I own a menorah, for Ruach Elohim's sake, and I'm not even Jewish! I carry a laminated card in my wallet that says I'm allowed to make Jew jokes, pinky swear! I earned the right after years of putting up with Jewish boyfriends and their annoying fucking families.
Kidding! Kind of.
Clarification: I am not anti-Semitic, and I do not dislike overweight people. My irreverence has left me feeling bad.