maarmie's musings

Friday, May 05, 2006

For my brother

You told me once that it's impossible/foolish/whatever to care about people more than they care about themselves. I guess you see me as a fool, then, because I care about you more right now than you appear to care about yourself.

As I watch you slowly destroy yourself, all I want to do is swoop down and kidnap you and take you somewhere where someone can fix you. I've had nightmares about you. I cry for you. I worry about you. I bought you those books in a pathetic effort to motivate you. But I am as helpless in this situation as you have allowed yourself to be.

To hear you say on the phone that you know the situation is dire and that you know something needs to be done now before it is too late - before the damage is irreversible - but that you don't really feel a desire/willingness/ability/whatever to do what needs to be done, that you are considering allowing your body to break down, allowing yourself to die, terrifies me. You are the only family I have, and, even if you don't care about yourself - even if you don't care about me - I care about you more than I ever have.

4 comments:

Annie said...

I hope your brother reads your blog. And if he does, I would like to say to him, "Your sister obviously loves you very much and is wishing she could have you whole again."

maarmie said...

Thanks, annie. A food addiction is destroying him through morbid obesity and type II diabetes. It's very sad and a very hard thing to both go through and witness....

Maarmie's Boss said...

You said "you are the only family I have."

But the people who love you, though unrelated, are your family, too.

maarmie said...

I'm not feeling very loved these days.