...I've come to a few conclusions. First of all, I am giving myself a pat on the back for how I handled things with "sis" last night. I didn't yell at her. I told her I wanted them both to be happy. I expressed concern over her hurt tooth. I told her to get some rest. I acted like an actual adult. For that, I am proud.
Now, about the infidels. I have always told myself that I make a great friend but an even better enemy. Vengeance has always been my middle name. I've wasted too big a part of my life, though, consumed with anger toward those who have hurt me. Do you think that all this energy I have expended has ever caused any of them to pause? No! So.....
In an effort to learn from past mistakes, I am letting this go. My exboyfriend, though he introduced me to New York and Portland and an entirely different way of thinking, has been an overwhelmingly negative influence in my life, anyway. Since I have known him, he has been extremely depressive, angry and negative, and I used to refer to him as the "dark cloud of doom." After our breakup four years ago, we remained friends off and on. He visited me in Tallahassee several times, and we would talk on the phone. He was forever trying to pressure me into having sex with him and to rekindle some kind of romantic relationship, though. I always told him "no."
A little over a month ago, he told me that he loves me and that he wants me to marry him and have his children and that if I didn't want that, too, then I could fuck off. Since that didn't sound very loving to me, I declined his offer, though there were many additional reasons for my negative response. In many ways, it is a relief that he has been taken off my hands, so to speak.
As for "sis": I don't hate you. I want the best for you, and I hope you get your shit straight one day. I love your kids, too, and I want nothing but the best for them. You have a lot to learn as far as being a friend, though - and your bedside manner is atrocious. I truly think you care about noone but yourself - and not even that. You hurt me, but I'll get over it. Hang on...I just did.
After all, a great many people simply don't deserve...anything. Including that law school prick who wanted all the dick jokes and fuckhead K**** who is now trying to weasel his way back into my life with "I know it looked like I was just using you and I didn't mean for it to look that way and I'm sorry and, hey, let's get together sometime *wink* *wink*. Oh. You're not interested in sex with me anymore? (crestfallen) Well, we can TRY that for a while and, you know I've always enjoyed your company...blah blah blah blah blah."
I laugh. I, maarmie. I stand...and I laugh.