I just got off the phone with my one and only friend who said he wants me to make him laugh more on my blog. He said he is tired of hearing about my asshole and that he is frustrated because he can never tell if I'm being serious or if I'm trying to be funny here and that if he gets tired of reading what I write, he might unbookmark my site.
I'm really quite sad now. You see, he's my only friend. Not only did he threaten our friendship, but he threatened to tell my boss about my blog if I don't make a funny ha-ha. I offered him a knock-knock joke, but he wouldn't hear of it. Penis jokes, he said, are what he wants. I'm out of luck, dear readers (if I have any left) because I don't know any penis jokes. Now I am at your mercy.
Someone, anyone who has a penis joke, please e-mail me it/them or send it/them in a comment. My job and my friendship are depending on it. Plus, I was planning on asking said friend to marry me when he graduates from law school. I have a feeling he'll reject my proposal if I don't offer him at least 10 penis jokes. I feel like such a hostage.